Bacon Bits: GOSSIP GIRL, PUSHING DAISIES and More

– Can’t wait for the Gossip Girl premiere? The CW has posted the first five minutes on YouTube.

– ABC is sexing up Dirty Sexy Money and dumbing down Pushing Daisies. And NBC is upping the romance quotient on Chuck. This right here, this is how good television shows jump the shark.

– Speaking of jumping the shark, Dancing with the Stars laughs in the face of the TV Gods by signing Original Show Killer Ted McGingley! Also, Cloris Leachman, Susan Lucci, Lance Bass, Toni Braxton, Rocco DiSpirito, Brooke Burke, some kid from Hannah Montana, Kim Kardashian, Jeffrey Ross, Warren Sapp and Olympians Maurice Greene and Misty May-Treanor.

– Remember when we actually wanted our MTV? Defamer lists “7 MTV-Defining Stars Who Wouldn’t Be Allowed on MTV Anymore.”

– Fox says you can watch the premieres of Fringe and Sarah Connor Chronicles online! But only if you live in a dorm.

– Lost is resurrecting Michelle Rodriguez for an episode. Oy, does this mean Nikki and Paulo are next?

Handy Dandy Guide to Returning Fall Television 2008

Suffering from Olympics withdrawal? Burned out on election coverage? Not to fear, my friend, because the new fall television season is upon us. That’s right, all (well, some) of our beloved TV shows are coming back to us. Below is a list of premiere dates for all our favorite (and some not-so-favorite) returning series. And stayed tuned, because coming soon, look for our guide to all the new fall series.

Tuesday, Aug. 26
Greek (ABC Family) 9 p.m.

Monday, Sept. 1
Prison Break (Fox) 8 p.m.
Gossip Girl (CW) 8 p.m.
One Tree Hill (CW) 9 p.m.

Tuesday, Sept. 2
The Shield (FX) 10 p.m.

Wednesday, Sept. 3
Bones (Fox) 8 p.m
America’s Next Top Model (CW) 8 p.m.
Top Design (Bravo) 10 p.m.

Thursday, Sept. 4
Kitchen Nightmares (FOX) 9 p.m.

Friday, Sept. 5
Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? (Fox) 8 p.m.

Sunday, Sept. 7
Entourage (HBO) 10 p.m.

Monday, Sept. 8
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox) 8 p.m.

Wednesday, Sept. 10
‘Til Death (Fox) 9 p.m.

Friday, Sept. 12
Don’t Forget The Lyrics (Fox) 9 p.m.

Saturday, Sept. 13
MadTV (Fox) 11 p.m.
Saturday Night Live (NBC) 11:30 p.m.

Tuesday, Sept. 16
House (Fox) 8 p.m.
The Biggest Loser (NBC) 8 p.m.
Lincoln Heights (ABC Family) 8 p.m.

Thursday, Sept. 18
Survivor (CBS) 8 p.m.
Smallville (CW) 8 p.m.
Supernatural (CW) 9 p.m.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) 10 p.m.

Monday, Sept. 22
Dancing With The Stars (ABC) 8 p.m.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS) 8 p.m.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) 8:30 p.m.
Two and a Half Men (CBS) 9 p.m.
Heroes (NBC) 9 p.m.
Boston Legal (ABC) 10 p.m.
CSI: Miami (CBS) 10 p.m.

Tuesday, Sept. 23
NCIS (CBS) 8 p.m.
Law & Order: SVU (NBC) 10 p.m.
Without a Trace (CBS) 10 p.m.

Wednesday, Sept. 24
The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) 8 p.m.
Criminal Minds (CBS) 9 p.m.
CSI: NY (CBS) 10 p.m.
Lipstick Jungle (NBC) 10 p.m.

Thursday, Sept. 25
Ugly Betty (ABC) 8 p.m.
Survivor (CBS) 8 p.m.
My Name is Earl (NBC) 8 p.m.
The Office (NBC) 9 p.m.
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) 9 p.m.
E.R. (NBC) 10 p.m.

Sunday, Sept. 28
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) 7 p.m.
The Amazing Race (CBS) 8 p.m.
The Simpsons (Fox) 8 p.m.
King of the Hill (Fox) 8:30 p.m.
Desperate Housewives (ABC) 9 p.m.
Cold Case (CBS) 9 p.m.
Dexter (Showtime) 9 p.m.
Family Guy (Fox) 9 p.m.
American Dad (Fox) 9:30 p.m.
Brothers & Sisters (ABC) 10 p.m.
The Unit (CBS) 10 p.m.
Californication (Showtime), 10 p.m.

Monday, Sept. 29
Chuck (NBC) 8 p.m.

Wednesday, Oct. 1
Private Practice (ABC) 8 p.m.
Pushing Daisies (ABC) 9 p.m.
Dirty Sexy Money (ABC) 10 p.m.
Friday Night Lights (DirecTV 101) 9 p.m.

Thursday, Oct. 2
Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style (Bravo) 10 p.m.

Friday, Oct. 3
Wife Swap (ABC) 8 p.m.
Ghost Whisperer (CBS) 8 p.m.
Everybody Hates Chris (CW) 8 p.m.
The Game (The CW) 8:30 p.m.
Supernanny (ABC) 9 p.m.
Life (NBC) 10 p.m.
Numb3rs (CBS) 10 p.m.

Sunday, Oct. 5
America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC) 7 p.m.

Monday, Oct. 6
Samantha Who? (ABC) 9:30 p.m.

Thursday, Oct. 9
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS) 9 p.m.

Friday, Oct. 10
The Starter Wife (USA) 9 p.m.

Tuesday, Oct. 14
Eli Stone (ABC) 10 p.m.

Thursday, Oct. 30
30 Rock (NBC) 8:30 p.m.

THE WIRE, SCRUBS Honored as Humanitas Finalists

The Humanitas Prize has announced this year’s finalists, which included episodes from Boston Legal, John Adams and The Wire in the 60-minute television category and The Bill Engvall Show (that sound you hear is me scratching my head), In Treatment and Scrubs in the 30-minute category.

The Humanitas honors film and TV writing that “explores the human condition in a way which affirms the dignity of the human person and reveals common humanity.” The complete list of finalists is behind the cut.

ABC Orders Five Pilots to Series

Mid-season is going to be a busy time on the ABC schedule–the network has picked up three new dramas and two comedies, including Rob Thomas’ Cupid and the police procedural Castle, starring Nathan Fillion.

Development has been delayed this year due of the writers strike, and ABC has only one new scripted series on the schedule this fall (Life on Mars). The five newcomers will join returning series Lost and Scrubs (making the jump from NBC to ABC) and new animated half-hour The Goode Family at mid-season.

Castle stars Fillion (formerly of the quickly-canceled Fox series Drive and Firefly) as a novelist who helps the NYPD solve murders. (No, really, that’s what it about.) Ruben Santiago-Hudson, Susan Sullivan and Stana Katic co-star in this “comedic procedural” from exec producers Armyan Bernstein, Rob Bowman and Laurie Zaks. The word comedic in there gives me some hope, since a little dash of comedy is often just the thing to make an otherwise dull procedural zing (see House, Life), and Fillion’s comedic talents are nothing short of exceptional. Let’s hope he has better luck at the Mouse House than he’s had on Fox.

Cupid is a reinvention of exec producer Rob Thomas’ (Veronica Mars) 1998 romantic comedy about a man who claims to be Cupid (as in the actual Roman god of love) and the therapist assigned to suss out if he’s crazy. Bobby Cannavale and Sarah Paulson will step into the roles originated by Jeremy Piven and Paula Marshall. The original Cupid was outstanding, so let’s hope Thomas can recreate the magic.

The Unusuals is another comedy-tinged drama set inside the NYPD, but this one’s an ensemble about a quirky police precinct. Harold Perrineau (guess we won’t be seeing much more of Michael on Lost), Amber Tamblyn, Jeremy Renner, Adam Goldberg, Kai Lennox and Terry Kinney star in this series from Noah Hawley and Peter Tolan.

Half-hour comedy Better Off Ted stars Jay Harrington as an office worker attempting to move up the corporate ladder. Portia de Rossi and Andrea Anders also star in this series from Victor Fresco (of the late, lamented Andy Richter Controls The Universe).

And finally there’s Single With Parents, another half-hour starring Alyssa Milano as a woman juggling her career with family and friends (played by Annie Potts, Beau Bridges and Amanda Detmer). Eh.

ABC has a few other projects in the works that may yet see the light of day as well. The buzzworthy Prince of Motor City and Captain Cook’s Extraordinary Atlas are both rumored to be still in the running for pick-up.

The Olympic Buffet: Sunday, August 24

Oh, NBC, you think you’re so tricky. How could we have possibly guessed who would win the men’s 10m platform diving when you showed us two teenage Americans low in the rankings, two Chinese divers striving to close out their country’s sweep, and a stray Australian? With a mysterious Russian popping up for the last two rounds? How could that possibly end? Kudos, though, for keeping the camera on the Japanese synchronized swimming team as they tried to help a stricken teammate out of the pool, because I swear there was a rescue diver in the water. In synchronized swimming. That’s more golden than the medals.

Sunday’s Blue Plate Special: NBC may have mentioned this once or twice, but the Closing Ceremony will be broadcast tonight. These always make me a touch melancholy–especially when the flame is extinguished; four years to wait!–but it’s a lot of fun to see the athletes let their hair down and mingle. It’s also fun to see what wackiness the next host city presents to introduce themselves to the world. The 2012 Games are in London, so I’m kind of hoping Boris Johnson steps aside and lets Eddie Izzard accept the Olympic flag while The Who play at the top of Big Ben with Harry Potter characters whizzing by Parliament. Or something. The closing spectacular was again designed by the wonderful director Zhang Yimou, and not, as I kept hearing as I wandered in and out of the living room during the Opening Ceremony, Johnnie Mo (“is he a Hong Kong action director? That doesn’t sound exactly right.”)

Sunday’s Chef’s Special: The euphoria following the Opening Ceremony was quickly deflated when a bizarre and random attack killed a tourist and seriously injured his wife and guide. What a strange coincidence when the victims turned out to be the in-laws of US men’s volleyball coach Hugh McCutcheon, who has exhibited at least as much endurance as the marathon runners in seeing this Olympics through after such a tragedy. His team has responded, making an unlikely run to the gold medal game, which will be broadcast on NBC in primetime (before the Closing Ceremony; spoilers will abound). McCutcheon’s wife is 2004 US volleyball Olympian Elisabeth Bachman McCutcheon, and her former teammates rallied to an emotional and unexpected silver medal. McCutcheon’s own team is guaranteed at least the same, and whether they take home that or the gold, their perseverance is emblematic of the determination and spirit of all the athletes we’ve enjoyed through the last weeks. Those athletes will be banking all of that will for the next four years–and we’ll be back to watch them.

The Olympic Buffet: Saturday, August 23

The “NBC giveth, and NBC taketh away” nature of US Olympic coverage continues, with a strangely piecemeal presentation of the decathlon. It’s pretty hard to build any sense of drama and suspense when you show only one competitor. And yet, showing the medal ceremony for the men’s 400m encapsulated the highs and lows of the Games in one well-framed shot, with stone-faced silver medalist Jeremy Wariner a stark contrast to glowing bronze medalist David Neville belting out the national anthem. Just when I write NBC off…

Saturday’s Blue Plate Special: The aforementoned Wariner and Neville are joined by gold medalist LaShawn Merritt in the finals of the men’s 4x400m relay (the women’s race is contested today, too). Since the baton passes in the longer relay aren’t blind passes, the drama comes from the running instead of the butterfingers (the heavily-favored Jamaican women were the latest to cough up the stick in the 4x100m; Usain Bolt, however, is made of gold and therefore magnetic, so the Jamaican men were okay). As is tradition, the 4×400 races are the last of the meet, so there should be a party atmosphere in the air (unless International Olympic Committee president Jacques Rogge is around, as he apparently hates parties).

Saturday’s Chef’s Special: Since I’m not very bright and can’t read a schedule, we missed mentioning whitewater kayak and canoe (which meant not only missing the neat event where people have to change direction while drowning to paddle upstream but also missing Togo’s first Olympic medal). We’re on top of the last medals awarded in the flatwater events, however. “Paddle” sounds kind of quaint and adorable, but the quad teams move so fast they could pull a water skiier behind them. That’s…possibly not human. The “sprints” (500m) in doubles and singles for both canoe and kayak will be broadcast today, and while the solo and partner boats don’t fly quite as fast as the quads, they undoubtedly feel the burn. Daytime on NBC; the Olympic coverage goes most of the day, so you may have to keep checking in.

(We’d mention the synchronized swimming finals, but it makes us miss the Darling Mermaid Darlings. We need new Pushing Daisies. Is the new fall season here yet? Because the Olympics can’t keep us happy much longer.)

PSYCH Pineapple Watch: “There Might Be Blood”

Wow, you can tell we are way too wrapped up in the Olympics when we managed to miss the fact that Jane Lynch was going to appear on Psych. What could possibly be better than that? Jane Lynch appearing on Psych as Chief Vick’s (the wonderful Kirsten Nelson‘s) seafaring sister and the object of Lassiter’s affection. After last week’s outing showed us how Shawn has taken his father’s skills one step farther, this week we get to see those social skills in action as our detective talks a murderer out of killing again. The season’s arc is so much about Shawn’s growth as a hum…oh, who can concentrate on any of that when Jane Lynch and a harbor seal are riding the waves?

Nearly lost among such myriad comic pleasures was this week’s pineapple, sneaking in on the Hawaiian pizza slowly rotting in the murder victim’s house as Shawn and Gus break in. Since the boys got all that grub out on the oil derrick, they walked right by the pizza, and the camera went with thiem. Tricksy psychics.

The Olympic Buffet: Friday, August 22

NBC’s sideline interviews haven’t been outstanding–Andrea Kremer putting an awkward hand on weeping 15-year-old diver Haley Ishimatsu‘s shoulder after Ishimatsu didn’t qualify for the 10m platform finals was a low point–but the live interviews at the Bird’s Nest provided a couple of moments today that give a glimmer of hope. The interview immediately after the US women’s 4X100m relay team dropped the baton led to a still-panting Lauryn Williams claiming that someone must have a voodoo doll with “USA” on it, an amusing distraction from the unfortunate result. And while I am one who tends to roll my eyes when an athlete drags God into their victory (what, God hates your opponent? Leave God alone), the interview immediately after the 200m race allowed Allyson Felix, disappointed silver medalist and daughter of a preacher man, to direct some thanks heavenward after she lost. This refreshing change of pace makes us wonder if there might be a point to the sideline reporters after all.

Friday’s Blue Plate Special: A lot of superlatives get tossed around in sport (why is The World’s Fastest Man the guy who wins the 100m instead of the one who wins the 10,000m?); tonight you can see the guy they’ll call The World’s Greatest Athlete, the winner of the decathlon, crowned. What makes an athlete “the greatest” is open to debate, but the decathletes are pretty darned impressive, having to demonstrate remarkable speed (100m, 400m, 110m hurdles), hops (long jump and high jump), strength and technique (pole vault, javelin, discus, and shot put), and endurance (capping it all with a 1500m run). Reigning world indoor champion Bryan Clay is favored for gold but will have to hold off the only man ever to break 9,000 points in the decathlon, Athens silver medalist and defending Olympic champion Roman Sebrle. Sebrle also just happened to be skewered by a javelin during training last year. Can you imagine being the poor javelin thrower who pinned The World’s Greatest Athlete? See how Sebrle has recovered, and how he, Clay, and others battle it out, noon (EDT) and in primetime on NBC (spoilers could hit you in the shoulder).

Friday’s Chef’s Special: Turn the decathlon upside down with the modern pentathlon. The founder of the modern Olympics started the modern pentathlon to create the perfect athlete, balancing physical and moral superiority. Why this sport would be more moral than any of the others (take that, basketball rapscallions!) is unclear, but it does require a broad and impressive skill set. Rather than throwing or jumping over things, pentathletes shoot pistols, fence, swim 200m, show jump pretty horsies, and run 3K. You can see how the modern pentathlon nicely updates the ancient one, trading hand-to-hand combat skills for more tehcnologically based bloodletting. While it has a military history, it screams dueling to me, so I am dying to see if anyone slaps a rival with a glove. The women’s competition can be found on USA Network at noon EDT.

Bacon Bits: VERONICA MARS Movie, Emmys, and More

– EW’s Michael Ausiello says Rob Thomas and Kristen Bell are talking about a Veronica Mars movie. Don’t dust off that Neptune Pirates letter jacket just yet, though. Between the two pilots already on Thomas’ plate and the chances of any studio greelighting a feature film version of a TV show that averaged only 2.5 million viewers, we’re more likely to get a Serenity sequel than to see this baby get off the ground.

– The Emmys want you to help choose TV’s most memorable moments. Watch clips and vote online at emmys.abc.com until Sept. 15. Just don’t ask me why the M*A*S*H where Henry dies is part of the “comedy” category.

– Can’t figure out what all the 90210 fuss is about? SoapNet will be airing a 24-hour marathon of the original Beverly Hills, 90210 on Sept. 1st to ring in the premiere of the CW’s spinoff the following night.

– The Bad News: Sci Fi Channel has canceled Stargate Atlantis (the series will finish out its fifth and final season in January). The Good News: the network has greenlit a two-hour movie based on the series.

– Scott Foley and Elizabeth Banks will each be returning to Scrubs this season, for one- and two-episode guest spots, respectively.

The Olympic Buffet: Thursday, August 21

Thank goodness there weren’t any sports being contested at the Olympics today so NBC could show the “Champions’ Gala” gymnastics musicale revue in which absolutely no medals were awarded. In other news, Usain Bolt is awesome. In fairness, so were NBC and commentator Ato Boldon in untangling the disqualifications in the men’s 200m and capturing the moment when Walter Dix was told he had medaled. And, to be further fair, they did finally talk about Natalie du Toit and my favorite Olympic victor so far, super heavyweight weightlifter Matthias Steiner, so points added back.

Thursday’s Blue Plate Special: NBC will probably try to sell you on the idea that the compelling story in the women’s 10m platform diving competition is 30-year-old Sydney gold medalist Laura Wilkinson and whether she can reach the podium in her third Olympics. I’d argue the more compelling story is whether China can sweep the gold medals in the diving events. Only the individual platform events remain in their way, but a Chinese diver hasn’t won the women’s Olympic platform gold since the great Fu Mingxia repeated in Atlanta. The Chinese hopes this time are pinned on 15- and 16-year-old athletes who weigh less than 65 pounds each–will they come through, or overrotate buckle with the eyes of a nation on them? Primetime on NBC (spoilage is possible).

Thursday’s Chef’s Special: It’s easy to make fun of rhythmic gymnastics–see below, if you dare to think of Matt Lauer, Al Roker, and Brian Williams in spandex–and the waving a little ribbon around doesn’t help. But if you actually watch the sport for a few minutes, it becomes clear that rhythmic requires not only incredible flexibility (perhaps more than any other athletes here) but the kind of hand-eye coordination found in the great shooters, archers, and badminton and table tennis players who have competed here. Try shooting an arrow or hitting a birdie with your leg pulled so far up over your head your foot touches your nose. It’s hard work, and you can see it from 1-2pm on NBC.