Whoa, my family’s known Kristin Armstrong forever. I am taking a lot of crap for not making the women’s cycling time trial the Chef’s Special yesterday. I was, er, trying to let her fly under the radar! And fly she did.
Thursday’s Blue Plate Special: Oh, that terrible Alicia Sacramone. If only she hadn’t fallen on beam and floor, the American women’s gymnastics team would have…missed the gold by slightly less. Since it’s not very hard to find the actual numbers, including the crucial start values, and since it’s not exactly higher math, can we all agree to leave Sacramone alone to deal with the fact that she didn’t take full advantage of the world stage instead of accusing her of ripping the gold away from her teammates? Besides, the best of those teammates, load-bearers Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin, get plenty of chances for more gold, including tonight in the all-around competition. They qualified 1-2, but I’m sure someone will find some way to blame Alicia Sacramone should they not tie and both win gold tonight. Primetime on NBC (like they wouldn’t show gymnastics). Good luck surviving Al Trautwig’s astonishingly bad commentary. Also, that Phelps guy swims again.
Thursday’s Chef’s Special: En garde, you swashbuckling blackguards! Admit it–you’ve pretended you’re a pirate. Given the popularity of the recent Johnny Depp movies, you may have pretended you’re a pirate recently. The competitors in the women’s team sabre finals will chuckle indulgently in your general direction and then slice you up. No ruffs and powdered wigs here–not only are the athletes nearly faster than the eye can register, but they’re in what look like spacesuits that light up when they get tagged. Futuristic swordplay–if this inspires you to try sabre at home, please use paper towel rolls as you start out. Morning on USA Network.