The season premiere of The Amazing Race 12 included a daughter expressing gratitude for being able to spend what little remaining time she has left with her 59-year-old father, a couple claiming that dealing with a reluctant pack animal was the worst experience they’d ever had (what? They’ve never dealt with gay minotaurs?), a Jenny being unable to lead a jenny, and the CW rejects hoping to win a million dollars so they can go on a shopping spree.
And it was still one of the most satisfying episodes ever, if only because angry donkeys put nasty people in their place. Free clues for TAR contestants: if you are screeching at your partner and a donkey starts braying and you and will not stop, the donkey is trying to tell you you’re too loud. In addition, any donkey worth his salt will, upon being threatened with being cut up and eaten, refuse to move, daring you to get out the cleaver and the seasonings. It just doesn’t get better than a dating couple testing their relationship (which needs testing because he cheated on her) and the guy who described himself as catty, mean, and rude in a race for last place because their asses won’t get their asses in gear. The only thing missing was someone screaming, “My ass is broken!” Couple that with delightful teams (daddy/daughter, brother/sister, lesbian ministers, hard-racing Goths, non-annoying non-hippies) and the gorgeous Irish coastline, and TAR is off to a quick start.