NBC Comedy Christmas: If You’re Going to Decorate the Drunks, Please Have a Fire Extinguisher Standing By

Who would have guessed that the entry in NBC’s comedy lineup that has put shards of glass in an old man’s eye and married a berry-addled guy off to a raccoon and used crotch-focused heat-vision cameras to catch cheaters would be the one that actually gets Christmas?

What did we learn on The Office this week? Angela is sleeping with Dwight (which the viewers knew) and you can’t check a drunk into rehab against her will. Given that I was in fact questioning the teachings of the Mormon Church (and every other major world religion) not after having a drink but while missing this Thursday lineup to see a surprisingly limp Christmas performance by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Princess Unicorn’s horn piercing the sky restored my faith in funny but did little to restore my faith in Christmas. What did we learn on 30 Rock? Lonely white ladies and traumatized executives will ruin Christmas every time (although they can try to make up for it by singing a boozy rendition of “The Christmas Song”). A Tracy Jordan reference to Basquiat will crack me up every time, but Jack deciding not to murder his mother isn’t exactly “The Gift of the Magi”. Both shows were funny, and 30 Rock even had as sentimental an ending as they ever will, but the cynicism I so appreciate the rest of the year clashes slightly with the season.

It was My Name Is Earl that really got into the Christmas spirit, even if they lit exactly as many drunks on fire as The Office did. They’ve had brilliant Christmas episodes (mostly focusing on reuniting feuding families before), but ”Orphan Earl”‘s message that being generous to people who have hurt you is liberating cuts right to the heart of the season. The morality police often draw a bright line between “naughty” and “nice” TV by excoriating anything that addresses sex or incorporates swearing but giving a pass to empty sitcom garbage that tarnishes souls and makes people stupider just by shooting low. My Name Is Earl, which had a sex-for-money transaction as part of a scam last night, blows up that kind of simple-minded categorizing by keeping the Christmas spirit alive all year long (or at least from September through May).

Bacon Bits: THE EX LIST, EARL and More

• CBS has dropped The Ex List from its schedule, making it the ex-Ex List (har har). Other casualties of the season so far include Fox’s Do Not Disturb and Hole in the Wall, and ABC’s Opportunity Knocks.

• The Battlestar Galactica diaspora continues: Katee Sackhoff will guest on Law & Order Nov. 5 and Mary McDonnell will appear on Grey’s Anatomy starting Nov. 13.

• Is the wobbly economy saving low-rated shows from cancellation? And does this mean that underperforming Bacon favs Life, Chuck and Pushing Daisies have a chance after all?

• In case you were wondering how long it takes to grow Earl Hickey’s mustache, the answer is 5-6 weeks.

• Entertainment Weekly remembers the 25 cheesiest syndicated TV shows.

Thursday Night’s Alright (For Laughing)

All is right with the world once more. That’s right, after five long months of deprivation, we’ve finally got our Thursday nights back again. I’m referring, of course, to NBC’s comedy lineup–My Name Is Earl, 30 Rock, The Office and Scrubs–which is back tonight with all new episodes for the first time since the writers strike torpedoed the season.

It’s a rare convergence of television programming that brings four comedies of this caliber together in one block. Not since the Golden Age of Must See TV–dominated by the Holy Quartet of The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Cheers and Night Court–have we had this much reason to look forward to Thursday nights.

First up tonight, Earl picks up where last week’s episode left off, with Randy taking over a comatose Earl’s list. Okay, Earl’s imaginary sitcom within a sitcom may be further evidence that the show’s gone a bit off the rails this season. But I’m willing to grant some leeway to any storyline that gives Ethan Suplee’s Randy a chance to step into the spotlight.

On 30 Rock, a throwaway line from earlier in the season becomes the focus of a whole episode, as Jack tries to figure out which TGS staffer has been badmouthing his reality hit MILF Island. Best Week Ever‘s Rob Huebel guest stars as the host of the fake show, described as “25 super-hot moms, 50 eighth-grade boys, no rules.” Look for it on NBC’s summer reality schedule.

The Office finally returns from hiatus with Michael and Jan hosting a dinner party that’s sure to be as appalling as it is hilarious.

And on Scrubs, Turk learns Spanish to celebrate his and Carla’s anniversay, Dr. Cox plays games with Kelso’s breakfast, and J.D. will probably have a daydream or two. Enjoy it while you can, because NBC won’t be bringing back Scrubs, and there are only a few pre-strike episodes left to air on the network before it presumably makes the jump to ABC.

In Which We Weep for the Future of Television

So, I’ve been scouring all the entertainment news the last couple of days looking for some good update fodder. And you know what? All the entertainment news this week is crap. Seriously. Unadulterated rubbish.

NBC announced plans for their summer schedule and it’s almost all reality dreck. More American Gladiators. The Baby Borrowers. Celebrity Circus. Nashville Stars. America’s Got Talent. Thanks, but I’ll pass. Oh, and apparently Paris Hilton is appearing on My Name Is Earl. It’s not enough that she contaminated Veronica Mars with her presence, now she’s got to get her bad acting all over our Earl, too?

And then I read that Adam Carolla says he’s going to be hosting the upcoming American version of Top Gear. (That sound you hear right now is Mikaela wailing and gnashing her teeth.) Cheese and crackers, have the suits at NBC ever watched Top Gear? The whole appeal of the show is that the that hosts are so lovable and hilarious that you can’t help but adore them, even if you don’t care a fig about the cars they wax poetic over. Adam Carolla? Neither lovable nor hilarious. See my previous rant on the Americanization of perfectly good foreign TV series for more invective.

But perhaps the most depressing news of all is that E! has greenlighted a reality show focusing on Lindsay Lohan’s mother. Because that’s exactly what the post-rehab starlet needs to ease her down the road to recovery: a reality TV crew following around her train wreck of a family. Sometimes I weep for the human race.

If anyone needs me I’ll be huddled in the corner watching the Doctor Who series four cinema trailer on a loop.