Squee! It’s…

Squee! It’s…look, CW, can we talk? I know we don’t get along that well, largely because I am not a twelve-year-old girl and am therefore not part of your target audience. I know I’m apparently part of that 10 percent of women in the world who simply don’t understand America’s Next Top Model (“congratulations, you’re still in the running toward becoming irrelevant”). I probably hurt your bottom line by putting off my Supernatural viewing until summer reruns. But really–must we punish me with Smallville?

Sigh. Fine. Squee! It’s Kyle Gallner on Smallville tonight! We’ve been keeping an eye on Gallner since he broke my heart and my brain in Veronica Mars (I think Susannah sent out search party at one point. No, for me, not the actor). In addition to playing Beaver…I’m sorry, Cassidy Casablancas on VM, you may have seen Gallner in the obligatory Law and Order appearances, guest roles on shows such as Judging Amy, Medium, Bones, and Life, and in recent recurring roles on The Shield, CSI: Honey Barbecue (NY), and Big Love. He’s been an absolute delight as The Flash Impulse (whatever, CW) on Smallville, as he’s the only person with superpowers who seems to enjoy himself. We’ll see if he enjoys himself tonight, or if, given that he’s recently been cast in a starring role in the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, he’s about to become unavailable, making Impulse the rumored character death wrapping up the Smallville season. Don’t kill your one spark, Smallville! Tonight on the CW at 8pm Eastern and Pacific.

Squee! It’s…

Ooh, double squee tonight. The brilliant William H. Macy returns to ER in their continuing self-congratulatory parade of former stars (eh, they survived 15  years–let ‘em have their parade. If it weren’t for Macy, we wouldn’t notice it going by anyway). Though perhaps best known for films such as Fargo, Boogie Nights, Seabiscuit, and Pleasantville, Macy’s won a boatload of awards for his work in TV movies like The Wool Cap and Door to Door and has been a guest on many well-known series. We, unsurprisingly, will always love him for stirring up trouble and then resolving it on Sports Night.

On Bones, Deirdre Lovejoy pops up as a US Attorney. You’ll remember Ms. Lovejoy not as part of the reverend’s family on The Simpsons, but from Eli Stone, Law & Order: Honey Barbecue Flavor, and the last great episode of The West Wing (“The Supremes”). We remember her most fondly, however, as another attorney: ADA Rhonda Pearlman on The Wire. Just thinking about her makes us happy, because Pearlman was one of the few characters who got an unobstructed happy ending (Cedric Daniels/Lance Reddick, rowr). She’s joining Bones for the return of the Gravedigger storyline; since that plot produced what might be the show’s finest episode (2006′s “Aliens in a Spaceship”), we expect all kinds of sparks to fly tonight. Bones appears on FOX at 8pm Eastern and Pacific; ER on NBC at 10.

Squee! It’s…

Squee! It’s W. Earl Brown on The Mentalist and Paula Malcomson on Law and Order: Honey Barbecue (Special Victims’ Unit) tonight! Since we’ve mentioned Al Swearengen around here this week, it’s only right that Deadwood‘s lovable, violent Swearengen sidekick show up as well. You’ve also seen Brown on Psych, Angel, CSIs both Original Flavor and Extra Spicy, NYPD Blue, and The X-Files. Malcomson played Swearengen’s employee, hooker with a heart of…silver Trixie. She’s also appeared on ER, Lost, and Six Feet Under. Back-to-back Deadwooders in primetime tonight!

Bonus on each show: Michael O’Neill, The West Wing‘s Agent Butterfield, joins Brown on The Mentalist, while the legendary Martin Mull (Gene Parmesan!) joins L&O: SVU. I might even have to watch.

Squee! It’s…

Squee! It’s Shareeka Epps on a new episode of Law and Order: Extra Crispy (Special Victims’ Unit) tonight. Normally, I’d warn you off Extra Crispy for an episode where Olivia goes undercover in a prison (of course she does). But Shareeka Epps! If you saw Half Nelson, you know that Ryan Gosling was typically fabulous, but it was Epps who really deserved the Oscar nomination. Catch her on her way to the top, starting tonight. And watch out for Olivia–she’s going deep undercover, man, she might cut you.

Squee! It’s…

Squee! It’s Mae Whitman on an NBC Law and Order: Extra Crispy (Special Victims Unit) rerun tonight!

(Cue chorus: Who?)

You know, Ann. George Michael Bluth’s girlfriend. You’ve met her (on shows such as Grey’s Anatomy, ER, Desperate Housewives, Cold Case, JAG, State of Grace…). She’s got this low center of gravity, you can’t knock her over.

(Cue chorus: Her?)

She was even cast as Jaime Sommers’ sister in the pilot of the remake of Bionic Woman, although they recast the role when it went to series. Which I guess means they printed a retraction in the spring supplement.

Don’t be a little Ann-hog, okay? Check out Mae Whitman in something where she might be a murderer, but at least someone will notice her.